The Passive/Assertive Symbiosis

Assertive people are confident and proactive, generally drawing admiring attention from other people.  Aggressive people are belligerent with no regard for the rights of others and drawing, as a result, condemnation from other people.

In addition to the Assertive and the Aggressive, we have a third group of people – the Non-assertive, or the Passive.  Generally benign, they are not condemned to the extent that the Aggressives are, but neither are they admired to the extent that the Assertives are.  Passives are tolerated, generally accepted and, in certain situations, highly appreciated, especially by the Assertives when they promote their own agendas.

Passives and Assertives work well together although they’re quite different from each other.  Let’s take just a moment to contrast some of the characteristics that set the Passives and the Assertives apart.

Passives are more mellow.  They move more slowly.  Their speech is soft with infrequent gesture and intermittent eye contact.  Assertives are more energetic.  They speak and move rapidly and eye contact with them can be intense.

Passives take fewer risks.  They’re prudent in their decision making and, as a result, decide less quickly and address problems more slowly.  Assertives, on the other hand, are risk takers.  They often move forward on decisions made in a flash.  As a result, it seems that they take care of their problems quickly.

Because of their mild-mannered tendency to get along, passives exert little pressure on others and are less confrontational in their approach to others.  Because Assertives, however, like to get things done, they push people along, sometimes applying pressure when necessary.  When results aren’t achieved, Assertives are more prone to anger than Passives are.

So you see, Passives and Assertives need each other to get things done.  Assertives need the Passives to implement their agendas, and the Passives need the Assertives to get the agendas implemented. 

 

It’s a lot like your company.  Assertives do the managing and Passives get things done.  It’s a fine relationship, and we can all be happy with our roles.

Unless, of course, you would rather not be managed for the rest of your career.  And if that’s the case, learning how to become more assertive is essential for your career development.