The Thin Line Between Assertiveness and Aggressiveness

Most often, people respond positively to assertive behavior.  You can think of it as standing up for yourself and defending your rights and the rights of others, which most everyone will admire.

Generally, however, people respond negatively to aggressive behavior.  If someone behaves without regard for the rights of others, most everyone will condemn this.

But where do you draw the line?  When does assertive behavior become aggressive?  Is it just a matter of whether someone else’s rights are being infringed upon? 

Let’s look at business.  You may have heard of some salespeople described as ‘aggressive’, and yet, these people are very successful and admired.  What is it about their sales technique then that makes it aggressive?  One characteristic is persistence.  They keep on trying until they make a sale.  Another characteristic is forcefulness.  They are up front explaining how much their potential customers will benefit.  Another is persuasiveness.  They say just the right things in just the right way to make customers want what they have.  Persistence, forcefulness, persuasiveness.  Is this aggressive behavior?

Sometimes the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness is relative.  Let’s consider another example.  A bright young woman works hard to move up in her organization.  Some colleagues, embittered by her success, think she has stepped on some toes to get where she is.  Others, impressed, admire what she’s done.  So is her behavior assertive or aggressive?  Is there an objective point of view?  Maybe not.  In business, what may be assertive for some will be aggressive for others.  

This is also true cross-culturally.  In Western countries, like America and Australia, people may engage in what most would consider to be assertive behavior.  Were they to behave the same way here in Malaysia, however, most would consider the behavior to be aggressive.  Compared to some Western countries it’s relatively easy to cross the line between assertiveness and aggressiveness here in Malaysia.

So how can you ensure that you don’t cross the line?  Well, remember: Where the line is drawn is relative, so it may not always be easy.  To help ensure that your assertive behavior is admired by others, however, respect and stand up for the rights of others as you would stand up for your own.