Listening with Empathy

The telephone is one of the most widely used business communication channels, so doubtlessly you and your employees spend a large part of the business day on the phone. Most of this time is likely spent on routine business, some of it might even be pleasant. But every now and again someone in your business is going to have to deal with a difficult caller.

This is especially likely for customer service agents handling complaints. In my work as a trainer, I’ve seen people reduced to tears in the most extreme cases. The sense of removal that the telephone provides dispenses with the politeness normally exercised face to face. Customer dissatisfaction can quickly escalate to anger.

Listening and empathy, however, can help you and your employees prevent this.

First, listen. Dissatisfied customers need an opportunity to vent frustration and you need to hear their side of the story. Provide verbal feedback as you listen by responding with short filler phrases or by asking questions for clarification. Although you may have an agenda that must be followed to make the service call complete, remember that callers must always feel as if you are following their agenda.

Next, empathize. Put yourself in their shoes. A simple apology can be nice, but talk to your dissatisfied customer as if you really feel what they feel.

Here’s a quick example of what I mean. At one of my trainings, I was using an LCD projector that I’d just had repaired. Early in the day, the projector died and I had to rent an expensive replacement from the hotel. I called the repair center to complain, and to this day I remember three things the service agent said to me. “That must have been so embarrassing for you"; "what a shame you met with that unnecessary expense"; and "Mr John, you must be feeling so frustrated and unhappy right now.” She was right on all three counts, but listening to her say them made me feel a lot better.

The telephone allows for anonymity, so callers might be downright rude when provoked. You job on the phone, however, is to prevent turning a dissatisfied customer into an angry customer. Listening and empathy can help you manage emotions and make the telephone an easier tool to work with.

Listening Feedback on the Phone

Do you gesture when you speak? Most people do. Some people gesture so much that you’d think they couldn’t speak if you strapped their arms to their sides.

Do you gesture when you listen? Well, maybe not as much as you do when you speak, but as you listen you do send important visual information that indicates how much you’re tuned in and how much you understand when someone is speaking to you.

In fact, the speaker relies on your visual listening signals as a form of feedback, or a response to what they’re saying to you. Visual feedback is like a silent conversation taking place alongside the spoken conversation. A nod, for example, may indicate agreement while a raised eyebrow may indicate the opposite. Intense eye contact may indicate concentration while flickering eye contact may betray boredom.

Remove the visual feedback from conversation, however, and where are you? On the phone. It’s happened to you, I’m sure, that after your speech on the phone is met with silence on the other end, you have to check to see if the other person is still listening. Hello? Are you there?

You can prevent this by ensuring that the verbal feedback you provide on the phone compensates equally for the visual listening feedback that’s lost. You already do this to an extent without having to think about it. Short phrases and fillers like ‘yes’, ‘right’, and ‘I see’ are a natural part of telephone conversation.

Invest a little more effort as a listener and you can ensure that the feedback you provide on the phone is accurate. In addition to the short fillers you add, ask questions, paraphrase and summarize. This will make it easier for your speaker to interpret your feedback and verify the extent to which you’ve understood the spoken message.

The telephone is one of the most widely used business communication channels. That’s why providing and interpreting feedback over the phone accurately can improve greatly your business communications.

Compensating for Absent Visuals

In face-to-face conversation, you pick up messages from three different signals – the words you hear, the way they’re spoken, and what you see as they’re spoken. Verbal, vocal and visual.

All the research says that visual signals carry significant meaning. In fact, some research says that body language speaks louder than words. We rely on body language like eye contact, facial expressions and gestures to support and enhance the spoken message.

Now, get on the telephone and what happens? All of the visual information disappears. All we have left are verbals and vocals – spoken language.

Two consequences result. First, as a listener, you lose a significant amount of information. Eye contact, which you use for verification, is missing. Facial expressions, which tell you how speakers feel about what they say, are gone. Gestures, which emphasize and support meaning for you, are absent.

How much do you miss this visual information? Think about it. When you’re on the phone, do you visualize? Do you see the person you’re speaking to in your mind? When you hear laughter, do you see that person laughing? The extent to which you visualize measures just how much you rely on visual information.

The second consequence is this: As a speaker, you've now got to compensate somehow for the missing visual information, and this must be done using just your verbal and vocal signals.

Three vocal characteristics you can concentrate on are tone, rate and clarity. Like facial expressions, tone reflects your mood and tells your listener how you feel. A slow, even pace in your rate will allow your listener time to absorb everything you have to say. And speaking with clarity, of course, will ensure that what you have to say is understood.

Remove the visuals from communication and we miss out on a huge chunk of information. Visualizing as a listener and compensating as a speaker, however, will help you ensure that your telephone communication is always successful.

Collaborative Conflict Resolution

At work and at home, you experience interpersonal conflict on many different levels for many different reasons. And you know what? That’s a good thing. Resolving interpersonal conflict can have a positive impact on your relationships and improve your ability to get along with others. How is this done? Let’s look at some alternative approaches and examine the outcomes.

You may avoid interpersonal conflict or deny that it exists. As a result, it never goes away. You may brood over it and cause yourself unnecessary worry and stress. The outcome of unresolved conflict for both you and the other party is lose-lose.

You may decide to dominate and impose your will. This may resolve the conflict for you, but may embitter the other party. Ultimately, they have no sense of ownership in your solution and may not participate. The outcome here? You win, they lose.

You may decide to give in. While this may have occasional advantages, frequently giving in or going along with the flow means you’re going through life without getting your own needs met. The long-term outcome here is you lose, they win.

So compromise must be the best approach to resolving interpersonal conflict, right? Well, maybe. But have you noticed that a compromise never really gets you want you want? A little, yes. But you focus as much on what you’ve forfeited as on what you’ve gained. The outcome? Win-lose for both of you.

Compromises are often reached too quickly while just a little effort would produce a more positive outcome for both sides. Here’s a useful six-step collaborative process that will help you achieve this.

First, define your conflict based on need. Take turns explaining what you want and what outcome you’re looking for. Listen to each other earnestly.

Second, brainstorm a list of possible solutions. Be open and honest, neither critical nor judgmental. At this stage, every idea you come up with together is a good idea.

Third, jointly select the best solution and discuss possible implications. Will it work? Why or why not?

Fourth, make an action plan. Use Wh- questions to help you. Decide who will do what, where and when.

Fifth, put your plan into play. Follow it sincerely with your desired outcome in mind. If you are focused on where you’re going, it’s easier to get there.

Finally, sixth, review the process together. Celebrate what you did well and talk about what you could have done better.

Collaborative resolution to interpersonal conflict is your best approach to achieving a successful win-win outcome .