Conflict Resolution Builds Relationships

I want to introduce you to a married couple I know. For obvious reasons, I’ll just call them Sam and Mary.

Sam and Mary, it seems, are in a perpetual state of disagreement. Sam goes on the offensive and criticizes Mary’s shopping habits. Mary, in turn defends why she needs to spend so much. Mary scolds Sam because he hasn’t been pitching in to help with the housecleaning. Sam counters by saying if it wasn’t for his work, they wouldn’t have a house to clean. Whenever an argument comes up, they go back and forth at each other increasing in volume until one or the other stops – and then it all settles down. Until next time.

Spending time with Sam and Mary makes me wonder how they’ve lasted for the six years I’ve known them. And what’s even more surprising is (are you ready for this?) they’ve been married for 45 years.

How do they do it? They consent to conflict. “No point trying to avoid it,” Sam tells me. “We bring it on, we deal with it, we kiss and make up. We’re experts in conflict resolution.”

In other words, the quality of their relationship is not measured by the amount of conflict they face, but by their extraordinary ability to resolve it.

Sam and Mary experience interpersonal conflict, which can have a number of different causes in a relationship. In business, you can experience conflict at four different levels. Interpersonal conflict, of course, is common, which is why we have staff meetings and teambuilding programs.

On a second level, you might experience intrapersonal conflict, or coming into conflict with yourself. This will occur most frequently when you are faced with an important business decision for which you may have to weigh out the pros and cons.

A third level is structural conflict, where status, roles and competition come into play. Structural conflict can happen between individuals, between departments (think of marketing and engineering), between companies and even between nations.

The last level is strategic conflict. Unlike the other three, which develop naturally out of emotions, values or needs, strategic conflict is purposely initiated to achieve a goal. One company I know of, for example, implemented a company-wide competition (a form of conflict) to see which team could identify the highest number of potential safety hazards in their plant.

Whatever the type or whatever its source in your business, conflict is a natural state of affairs. Your ability to step into it and resolve it productively and consistently helps ensure the quality of your business relationships.