Manage Stress: Be More Assertive

While assertiveness comes easier to some people than it does to others, it’s good for you to remember that assertiveness is skill that can be learned by anyone.  When you master this skillset, you reduce the amount of interpersonal conflict in your life.  You ensure that your needs are met without infringing upon the needs of others.  In addition, you overcome your resistance to saying ‘no’ and be more honest and open when meeting someone else’s needs does not fit into your schedule.

In short, learning how to become more assertive reduces major sources of stress in your life and allows you the time you need to take care of yourself.

How does it work?  Let’s look at a common scenario.  A colleague from work calls you at home during dinner asking for your help in solving a problem on a current project.  You have the know-how, but the work is clearly out of your domain.  A passive response would be to give your colleague all the time necessary because your help is needed.  A more assertive response, however, would be to tell your colleague that you’re willing to help, but you’d rather take care of things during office hours tomorrow.  In this way, you can return to your family and enjoy your dinner.

To practice becoming more assertive, begin by being firm and decisive.  Say no when you have to.  This becomes easier if you can turn small successes into big ones.  Begin your transition with the people who will encourage you in your efforts and as your skills develop, bring them into social settings and the workplace.

Ask for what you want and express your needs.  You can reasonably expect that you have a support network of people who will help you achieve them, just as you would help them achieve theirs.  As your needs are met, your self-esteem increases.  People will understand the real you once you have learned to be vocal rather than silent.

Work on resolving all forms of interpersonal conflict.  At home and at work, conflict is a given reality.  We all live with it and may choose to ignore it or resolve it.  Ignoring it, however, will bring the conflict out in the open in a different and unpleasant way.  It’s better to be honest and open with people to assertively resolve disagreements.  Listen assertively to the other point of view, and if no compromise is possible, agree to disagree and continue to respect each other.

Working on assertiveness can be a big step for some and an easy hop-skip-and-a-jump for others.  Regardless, becoming more assertive helps ensure that you have the resources to meet your own needs and get on track for a happier and healthier life.