At work and at home, you experience interpersonal conflict on many different levels for many different reasons. And you know what? That’s a good thing. Resolving interpersonal conflict can have a positive impact on your relationships and improve your ability to get along with others. How is this done? Let’s look at some alternative approaches and examine the outcomes.You may avoid interpersonal conflict or deny that it exists. As a result, it never goes away. You may brood over it and cause yourself unnecessary worry and stress. The outcome of unresolved conflict for both you and the other party is lose-lose.
You may decide to dominate and impose your will. This may resolve the conflict for you, but may embitter the other party. Ultimately, they have no sense of ownership in your solution and may not participate. The outcome here? You win, they lose.
You may decide to give in. While this may have occasional advantages, frequently giving in or going along with the flow means you’re going through life without getting your own needs met. The long-term outcome here is you lose, they win.
So compromise must be the best approach to resolving interpersonal conflict, right? Well, maybe. But have you noticed that a compromise never really gets you want you want? A little, yes. But you focus as much on what you’ve forfeited as on what you’ve gained. The outcome? Win-lose for both of you.
Compromises are often reached too quickly while just a little effort would produce a more positive outcome for both sides. Here’s a useful six-step collaborative process that will help you achieve this.
First, define your conflict based on need. Take turns explaining what you want and what outcome you’re looking for. Listen to each other earnestly.Second, brainstorm a list of possible solutions. Be open and honest, neither critical nor judgmental. At this stage, every idea you come up with together is a good idea.
Third, jointly select the best solution and discuss possible implications. Will it work? Why or why not?
Fourth, make an action plan. Use Wh- questions to help you. Decide who will do what, where and when.
Fifth, put your plan into play. Follow it sincerely with your desired outcome in mind. If you are focused on where you’re going, it’s easier to get there.
Finally, sixth, review the process together. Celebrate what you did well and talk about what you could have done better.
Collaborative resolution to interpersonal conflict is your best approach to achieving a successful win-win outcome .
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2 comments:
Hi John,
What if the other party neither gives in nor compromise? I'm in a cold war with one of the students on campus (no longer considered a friend). When dealing with third parties, I found out that she puts the blame on everyone else except herself; despite me telling her multiple times that the error was her fault. Since then, I've started distancing myself from her. Is there a better way I could've handled this?
Hey there $W?h0w? -
Is there a better way? I'll say.
From the way you've described this, I'm picking up from you that you are the one expecting her to give in or compromise. Meanwhile, telling her (multiple times) that the error was her fault is just making her more defensive.
If friendship with this person is important to you, stop going through third parties and approach her yourself. Be prepared to listen. Work out an agreement by trying to satisfy each other's needs in this argument.
If that doesn't work, be prepared to compromise -- and that means, my friend, showing willingness to accept half the blame.
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