Build Early Rapport

Here’s another tip to help you probe successfully for information while negotiating: Make your counterpart feel good about you.

Feeling at ease with each other always facilitates negotiations. That’s why it’s extremely useful for you to build rapport with your counterpart during the early stages of the negotiating process. Want to know how the pros do this instantly? They find and establish common ground with their counterparts before negotiation begins. Here’s how.

To find immediate common ground with your counterpart, keep your eyes and ears open during the first few moments when you and your counterpart meet.

For example, as you step into his office for the first time, look around. Find something to talk about. Perhaps you may notice a framed photograph of him with his fishing gear standing beside the 500-pound blue marlin he’d landed. Make a positive comment and ask an open question -- something like, “Wow, that’s a huge marlin! How did you ever manage to get it to shore?” Your compliments and questions invite him to speak. They open the door to conversation and move you those critical first few steps closer to a successful business relationship.

He’ll be happy to tell you the marlin story, just like anyone else will be happy to tell you about their kids, their vacation home, their football trophy, their fancy bead necklace or their gorgeous teak desk. Whatever you choose to comment on, be sincere and show genuine interest.

The more at ease your counterparts feel with you early in the negotiation, the easier it will be for you later -- when you probe more deeply for the valuable information you need.

When Probing, Be Silent and Listen

Back in the early 80s when the Japanese economy was coming fully on line, a lot of writers made a lot of money publishing books on how to negotiate successfully with Japanese business executives.

This is because the Japanese introduced a puzzling, but effective new style of negotiating to the industrialized world. They worked in teams, spoke very little, encouraged the other side to do most of the talking, and committed to nothing until final decisions had been made collectively away from the negotiating table. With this style, the Japanese confounded their counterparts, especially those in the West, who were familiar with more openness during negotiations.

If you are not familiar with this style, it can seem cold and distant, as if your counterparts are intentionally withholding information and concealing feelings. It almost seems kind of sneaky.

But it’s different in reality, when negotiations are taking place. You’ll be surprised how your silence and polite listening can actually relax your counterparts and, as a result, encourage them to talk with you freely. As they do, they provide you with the information you need to understand their negotiating position and their requirements for a successful outcome.

You’ve heard it before: Information is power. The more you know about them, the more powerful your position becomes. That's why silence and listening are two of your most powerful tools to probe for information during business negotiations.

Now of course, you can’t sit there silently smiling for the entire negotiation. Your counterparts will become uncomfortable with this eventually. At some point you need to share your requirements and expectations as well. However, if you know a lot about your counterpart’s position, you can be more judicious about which information you do share with them and when that information is disclosed.

To ensure that your negotiating objectives are met and, at the same time ensure that your counterparts meet theirs, you need to know what your counterparts have to offer to you and what they want to get from you in return. To discover this, follow the Japanese style . Allow your counterparts to do most of the talking.

Do Emoticons Work in Business E-mail?

When we communicate face to face, body language, facial expressions and tone of voice add additional layers of meaning to the words we choose and facilitate our listener’s understanding of our message.

When we communicate in writing, however, these visual and vocal enhancements go missing. The only way to express meaning in writing is through silent, black text on paper. This is why we spend so much time writing formal business letters. Written words are all we have, so the words we choose must be precise and the order in which we present them must express the message accurately.

This has changed, however, with the rise of e-mail. Because an e-mail message is more informal than a business letter – even bordering on casual – many writers feel free to insert emoticons, or smileys, in their text to express and enhance the meaning of the written messages they send.

Originally used by IT professionals during the earliest days of the Internet, emoticons have evolved from a limited array of punctuation marks read sideways to an endless assortment of downloadable, full-color animated expressions. In the place of a sideways smile :) or a wink ;), today’s emoticons will kiss you, cry for you, snore at you, sneeze at you, bow to you, laugh at you and punch you in the nose. A correctly chosen emoticon can deliver more than words can say.

Many business writers have asked me whether emoticons are allowable in business e-mail. This isn’t an easy question to answer… it’s sometimes yes sometimes no. Many readers find emoticons silly and they might not take you seriously. Other readers find them unprofessional and distracting in a business e-mail. So as a general guideline, my advice is: save your emoticons for your internal and personal e-mail. Keep them out of external business writing.

Some writers argue back, saying that they might have familiar, casual relationships with people outside their own companies. But while this may be true, you never know where your e-mail might be forwarded once it leaves your office. If your e-mail is escalated to a high officer in an external company, can you afford the negative impression your emoticons might make?

Remember, your business writing says a lot about the way your company does business. With that in mind, be very careful about what you attach to your e-mail. Emoticons are cute. Business is not.

Good Subjects Grab Attention

How much e-mail is flooding your In Box every day? If you’re like the average business executive, you’re probably seeing between 40 and 50. Some of the mail is urgent and requires immediate attention. Most of it probably shouldn’t have been sent to you in the first place.

To help save yourself some time, you filter your e-mail. You go through your In Box and, based on the sender and the subject, you decide what gets read and what gets deleted. In other words, as a reader, the subject helps you decide whether the e-mail is important or not.

This is why as an e-mail writer, your own subjects require a little extra time and thought to ensure that your message gets the consideration it deserves. E-mail with uninviting, spam-like subjects from unfamiliar writers are more likely to be trashed than read. Catching and holding your reader’s attention begins with writing a good subject.

To do this, follow these five helpful guidelines.

First, make your subject brief. A good, all-inclusive subject takes no more than seven or eight words at most. Don’t be cryptic, however. One-word subjects rarely give a clue about content.

Second, make your subject self-explanatory. Your reader should have no question about the content of your e-mail message after reading your subject. That’s why incomplete, ambiguous subjects like “Your phone call” or “Thursday’s meeting” should be avoided. Short phrases combining a subject and a verb often do the trick.

Third, make your subject engaging. Use action words. Be clever. Think of the headlines in newspapers that are most likely to grab your attention. The more attention you attract with your subject, the more certain your message will be read.

Fourth, make your subject honest. Don’t express urgency if the message is low priority. If everything you send is urgent, then, after a while, nothing is urgent at all. Remember the boy who cried wolf?

Finally, make your subject correct. Begin with a capital letter and use correct punctuation if necessary. Your subject will be the first text your reader sees from your message, and first impressions last longest. Nothing in your subject should tell your reader that you are careless in your writing.

Brief, self-explanatory, engaging, honest and correct. A well-written subject that grips your e-mail reader at the outset will keep your reader attached to the end.